from the glacier

My fellow 'Mericans! This year in 'Merica we have stayed much the same. The status quo will not be overthrown. The rich got richer, and the poor got poorer. We even see now the lowest savings rate among our subjects since 1933! We have unnaturally force interest rates so low so that we can, as a nation of strong people, continue to avoid thinking about tomorrow and spend more and more money building up the Chinese economy by buying their garbage. But amid all the doom and gloom that 2005 had to offer we have many bright spots. Exxon corporation posted profits of nearly thirty-six billion dollars last year - record setting! It is easy to see why when local subjects in, say, the south suburbs of Chicago, pay $2.35 for a gallon of 87 octane. Way to go Exxon! An exemplar of the 'Merican dream. Heathcare continues to be unaffordable for the working poor, while frivolous lawsuits and the erratic market drive insurance rates up. Ford layed off thirty thousand, Kraft, twenty thousand, but other than that the job market is great.

On the world scene, we are now universally despised by other nations for our global ram-rodding of our virtue down the throats of third-world countries. But democracy will be realized everywhere soon! Soon there will be Starbucks, McDonalds, and Wal-Mart everywhere!! Many young 'Merican soldiers continue to get killed needlessly in Iraq, for whatever reason, as no one can really determine why we are there still, or were there in the first place. China continues to become an industrial power, thanks in no small part to our excessive socially irresponsible spending, and their state-sanctioned slave labor. But let's make sure to watch out for bird flu and follow any reports of this with rapt attention so that we can ignore these other problems and trap the small minds of you, the subjects, with yet another catastrophe. With any luck, some Godforsaken country like India or Louisiana will have another natural disaster to distract us. [oh, Louisiana is part of the U.S.? I had no idea. Did we send them aid?]

Finally, my fellow 'Mericans, my plan for the future. Nothing. Jack shit. Let's keep on keepin' on. Nothing changes anyway, except for for the worse, and I cannot get re-elected anyway, so fuck it.